10pm, listening to David Bowie

Whatever I'm doing up at this hour I don't know. Trying to sleep on daddy while listening to David Bowie is a bit surreal. At least it isn't Duran Duran! Hey...it's not like I actually sleep around here. And if I don't sleep, you don't sleep either!

What a Day!

Yesterday was a busy day. First, with all the new people around, I was up early to see them all. Then, mommy went off with grandma and grandpa, leaving me with daddy all by my self. I made him take me for a walk, where I met several cute girls and let them fuss over me. I was even told I'm a regular "chick magnet" -- whatever that means -- by some jealous guy. Mommy eventually came home after I had eaten a quick lunch with daddy, whereupon I got to play with grandma and grandpa until about 3. Then, I took a short nap, a power feed and then I crashed on daddy's tummy as the grandparents fussed over me. I ignored them and slept, as I was quite tired...

Last week, I told you to buy stock in Pampers due to increased diaper consumption. This week's tip: stuffed animals! I particularly like the brightly colored ones that I can hit. If they make a bit of noise when they go flying through the air, all the better! The ones that come with my playmat are even nice enough to swing back after I hit them, so I can take another shot at them.

More Grandparents?!?

I met grandma a few days ago. Strangely, I met grandma again and it was someone different. This can be a bit confusing and kinda upsetting!
But, after a little while, I did calm down, though just a bit...


We went out for dinner next door at Superfine (again!). Mommy had a steak and fries, daddy had a pork chop as did grandpa, and grandma had fish. I was relegated to watching them eat. It was pretty boring, so I spent my time staring at the kitchen listening to the hip and trendy music. (As I write this, some band called "Duran Duran" is playing -- how uncool is that!?!) Mommy said the steak was fantastic, and reminded me that she hasn't had a properly medium rare steak for months. Then she had the nerve to blame me!

After, we wandered back to the flat and they compared me to Winston Churchill. I kinda gathered that Winston's middle name was Spencer -- possibly even named after me!

Bath time Revenge!

I'd say bath time is my least favorite time, but it does give me a chance to express myself quite clearly. It also makes me think. How do I actually communicate to them that I don't like baths?

Today, I expressed my views on the subject much, much more clearly then before. Previous attempts ended up with a bit of pee, but today, I used poo. And it wasn't just any poo. I knew the bath was coming, so I saved it up. So, it was big. It was yellow. It was messy.

I was deposited in the bath unceremoniously, but I smiled my evil little smile. I was rinsed, I was cleaned, some water may have even been splashed -- I can't deny that. But I had it all worked out. I waited, smiling until I found myself a the nice, warm towel and then...

Poo away! You should have seen the look on their faces!

Sleeptime

The only place to sleep is on daddy. I just need to learn to do it when mommy isn't running around with a camera!

Of course, with any nap comes great responsibility. In my case, it's the responsibility of being up all night and watching over the place. We don't have a watchdog, and there is no way I'm going to volunteer any of my stuffed toys for that potentially dangerous role, so last night the job fell on me to be up all night watching the place. It was nice of mommy to stay up with me. The re-run of the basketball games on ESPN were nice, but I prefer SportsCenter. Daddy calls it "LSD for Babies" -- I'm not quite sure what he means, but I do like the bright colors and flashing lights!

Another Bath !?!?!?

They gave me yet another bath. How many of these stupid things do I have to take? I don't know what the point of it is -- they tear off my diaper, throw me in some water, dry me off, and then put me back in a diaper. Why not just skip the middle steps?

But I did find an easy cure for my occasional gas pain. Yes, it is to poo in the tub! The warm, soothing water makes it very relaxing and easy and eliminates many of the gas pains. Mommy and daddy don't seem too thrilled about it, but if it works, it works. They shouldn't complain.

And I do like the froggy towel. Being wrapped up in it after is both warming and soothing. The color is also much better then the blue one -- I expressed that opinion by peeing all over the blue one today!

Playtime Photos

I've found a new hobby besides eating, sleeping, pooping and crying -- it's playing with my cool toys! I really like the ones that I can hit, or throw at daddy -- they're the most fun!

Eating Out

Around noon, I was picked up and plopped down in my car seat. A short journey later, I was inside, staring at a darkly lit room at this eatery called "Superfine". I watched these guys hit balls with sticks for a while with the occasional one vanishing into one of several holes in the table, and decided to ignore them too -- I could think of better things to do with a bunch of balls and a stick. What, after all, is the point of losing them?

Then, this lady with extremely brightly colored arms wandered over. They had numerous pretty pictures in blue, red, yellow and orange. I asked her for a martini and a steak (mostly 'cos caviar wasn't on the menu) but she didn't seem to understand. Typical.

So I ended up falling asleep to the funky music, watching the shiny things in the windows spin 'round... Next time, maybe I'll order a burger. After all, mommy says their burgers are amongst the best she's ever had!

Jungle Spencer!

I got to play on my jungle mat this morning. I learned how to beat up the bird. Whenever you hit him, he makes a nice jingling sound. I even tried to hit him with my pacifier, but I got daddy by accident!

Letterman has Lost It

I stayed up to watch Letterman last night. It was a bit of a fight. They kept putting me in the crib, where I'd scream for a bit until they would bring me back to the living room. I eventually settled down, resting happily on a pillow on daddy's lap and waited for the show to start. Mommy had given up and gone to bed with a "he's your problem now!" sort of look.

So, after all that work, Letterman finally came on at his usual 11:35 timeslot. He opened with his monologue, and he's still doing the same bloody Geico joke! PPPppppplease! Yes, we all *know* that that Madoff person saved $52 quadrillion with Geico, so give it up! That joke is so old, I heard it back in the womb! By those standards, Obama should be calling Geico and having them save the taxpayers $500 TRILLION. But until then, I'd just settle for a new joke!

Tonight, I think I'll just go to bed.

Multitasking Achievement!

Today, I learned what multitasking is all about. Simultaneously, I managed to both pee all over mommy *and* spit up all over her shirt! Isn't unconditional love wonderful!

The most boring place in the world is in the car seat. Its small, cramped, restraining and miserable. Sure, it's a nice blue color (I would have preferred red) and yes, you can clip a blanket around to keep nice and warm, but the reality is that there's nothing I can do. Other then look at the little green thing hanging down from the handle. It has a friendly little smile and bright shining eyes. That said, the first thing I'm going to do when I can reach it is chew on it, slobber over it, and spit out its remains. That should teach it to make those little jingling noises at me. Until then, the only thing I can do is sleep and cry, and crying doesn't seem to accomplish much when moving!

Busy Afternoon

Today was a busy day. I kept mommy running around with constant, on demand feedings. I followed that up with a few good pouts and a couple good cries -- just to keep everybody on their feet. Eventually, a bit tired from the exercises, I decided to go nap on daddy's chest. It's a wonderful and soothing experience.


This prepared me nicely for the evening rush. Four solid hours of mommytime, while she attempted to watch bad TV. Clearly, that isn't going to happen any more!

The Story of the Belly Button

There has been quite a lot of fuss made over my belly button.

Initially, there isn't one. So, what all the fuss was about isn't clear. It's just this black piece of cord that remained attached to me. It's not like it hurt or anything, it was just there.

Then, it fell off. Yup. Fell off. A little blood, a little gore -- but it happened in the doctor's office, and she just sort of shrugged and said "oh, you can now give him a bath!" I didn't know what a bath was at the time but it sounded eevil. (And I was right!) The doctor then asked mommy if she wanted to save the thing that had fallen off -- and after a brief look of confusion, it was chucked in the trash. There was a little blood, but not enough to make you faint or anything. Mostly, it just ruined another new outfit.

What was left was a little black thing. No big deal. It too fell off. This time, it was after a bath and onto mommy's nice jeans. It took her a while to find it though. Now, I have a nice and normal belly button just like everybody else.

I'm still wondering if it will be an innie or an outtie. Eh. It won't matter until I start showing off for the ladies...

Monday Morning Stock Tip

Buy stock in Pampers. The past weekend's consumption was up 20% from previous days, resulting in a generous "BUY" signal. The associated baby wipe consumption, however, remained roughly constant with better economization. Clearly, diapers are a growth industry!

Grand Prix

I woke everybody up around 4:00am. I wanted to watch the Grand Prix from China. So, with a warm breast of milk and some comfortable arms, I started watching it. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about -- it's just cars going around a track *in the rain*. It looks easy.

It was also disappointing that there are no good teams for me. No driver named "Spencer". No team named "Spencer". I seem to like the color red, and the red cars look pretty good. But one stopped on the track and the other didn't do very well either. So I went back to sleep.

When I decided to get up, daddy stuck a bottle in my mouth and made me watch more of the grand prix. When I finished off the bottle, he put me in my bouncy chair. I fell asleep.

I then woke up and got mommy to feed me. And guess what -- she watched the rest of the grand prix then too! It's not fair!!

More Cool Things!

I got some more fun things to play with today! The ... um, well, it's either a stuffed dog or a stuffed floppy-eared bunny that Auntie Becky sent me -- I think it's a dog, 'cos he likes hanging on the side of my bouncy chair. Yes, I got a bouncy chair. Ok, so it isn't everything it's meant to be. No, I can't bounce it myself. No, I can't reach the toys ... yet. But it's good for rocking.

I also got a spider. And while he *seems* friendly enough, who knows. I'm going to have to keep an eye on him, just in case.

Bathtime?!?

Somebody decided to give me a bath.

They're over-rated. I spend my whole day eating, sleeping, pooping, peeing and screaming when I need something done about the other four. So, now that I've managed to get their attention about the wet, messy stuff in my diaper, what do they do?

Submerge me in a pot of hot water.
Oh, the indignity.

I was a bit worried with the lobster motifs around the place, but those worries soon turned out to be unfounded. So, I sat there and I pouted. Being wrapped in the towel after wasn't too bad -- it was warm, and soon I was dry.

Material Goods

I think the best thing about being born is the stuff. I'm getting cool toys. Just look at the latest additions to my harem!




The fluffy thing is either a bunny or a dog. I'm not sure; I'll have to see how he behaves. The teddy from Aunt Lynn and Uncle Gary is quite cute. I just hope he behaves!

Grandma #2

Well, Grandma went home today. I think, however, I need a bigger wardrobe. It's either dinosaurs or doggies -- not much originality on their part. Why can't I have a properly fitting suit, a la James Bond?

And you know, I still haven't gotten my vodka martini. Medium dry. Shaken, not stirred. With a twist. So far, it's just been milk! Not *my* idea of a party...

Grandma #1

I met someone new today. Her name was "Grandma". She came with this cool thing with lots of bright colors that plays music and flashes lights -- and things for me to swing at. I'm sure that when I'm bigger, I'll know what the monkey is for -- but for now, I can lay on it and watch the scenery.

9:00pm and it's nap time. I spent most of the day sleeping, which is a surprise after last night -- I kept everybody up and on their toes. Come 2:30am, I detected some annoyance amongst my minions...er..parents, and decided to let them sleep until 5:30.

In the morning, I was given my sponge bath today, and boy! was that ever stimulating. It's like a triple espresso with an extra shot and massive amounts of sugar! I wanted food after that to calm me down, so I started punching daddy's breast and then put his hand in my mouth. Then I made my little hungry gurgling noises, or at least what I *think* is a hungry gurgling noises. Or is it what I think that they think is a hungry gurgling noise... They figured it out eventually. Daddy passed me back to Mum and I proceeded to eat quite happily. So, either my parents are more cleaver then I give them credit for, or, they got lucky. I'd bet on the later.

As a bit of a test, I decided to try out the triple play tonight. So, I started out by peeing on mommy. Then, I threw up on daddy. Finally, I waited for a clean diaper and then immediately filled it. Watching their reactions... priceless. I can see the commercial now: Drycleaning mommy's shirt, $4.95. Replacing daddy's sweatshirt, $29.95. Another box of Pampers, $44.95. The unconditional love a baby gets from his parents... priceless!

Finally, I kept mommy up all night. Feeding, poo'ing, feeding some more, poo'ing some more.

Arrived Home

I came home today. We left the hospital around 2:30. I slept in the cab, with the cabbie talking about his two now grown kids the entire way. All these stories I'd heard of maniac cab drivers didn't seem true; the cabbie drove quite nicely -- slowing down for bumps rather then speeding up, restricting his speed to 50 in a 30 zone rather then the usual 90.

We walked into the building. I met the doormen, they fussed over me, I slept, cracking an eye open occasionally to see what the big deal was. Yes, I'm home -- I now run the show, get used to it.

We got up to the flat. Wandered in, they put a few things away. I slept in the carseat.

Finally, I woke up and immediately spit up all over my new outfit. The parental units went to change me, and realized I'd also pooed my diaper. A quick change (that said, they spent more time getting used to everything and figuring out the logistics for future changes), followed by a quick feed, and he then went back to sleep for a couple hours. They fed me again before they ate something...

9:00pm rolled around, and now it's FEED ME, SEYMORE! time again. Every 60 minutes I'm getting another meal. They are still getting used to the whole feeding routine. Personally, I like to suck for a while, stop, and then continue after a short rest. Feeedings always seem to end with a comfort suckle that can last for an hour. Well, more until Mommy throws me off. After, sleep. This time, sleeping on daddy's chest until nearly midnight.

Birthday #1

First birthday. The only real birthday. Being born on April 1st isn't all its cut out to be. The jokes about being named "Jester" added to those about being named "John Lewis" and "Marcus Spencer". Mom's sense of humor can be quite frightening. Dad's sense of humor is distinctly American, and usually NOT funny (just ask Mommy).

But I'm the cute one. It's now my house, I'm in charge. Just ask anyone here who counts. When I scream, I expect everybody to come running. Instantly.